Should You Trust Your Feelings?

Can & Should You Trust Your Feelings?

Have you ever reacted so intensely and strongly to something because you just knew your feelings and your assumptions were right, only to find out later that you over-reacted?

I’m back again this week to continue this multi-blog post series on Emotional Resilience. Just to recap my last post, emotional resilience means: you are aware of your emotional “triggers”, are able to identify and describe your emotions, can tell the difference between what your senses/bodily cues are telling you versus what your thoughts are telling you, and have an understanding of how your perspectives or assumptions influence your emotions.

Emotion Regulation

Part of being effective at emotion regulation is being able to understand how your own personal assumptions/interpretations affect how you feel and/or your emotional experience.

In other words, being able to understand how your personal “spin” influences your emotions, will help you to not over-react or "go bat shit crazy” when you don’t need to, and will help you have better control of (i.e. “regulate”) your emotions.

Back to the question at the beginning of the post——

Have your feelings ever felt so intense and real, that your thoughts/assumptions had to be true?

Here’s a secret-

Just because you think or feel something, doesn’t make it true.

We all have our own unique, personal, subjective experiences, which help us make sense of the world around us. However, when you only use your personal, emotional, experience to guide you, you are missing out on a very important piece of the puzzle.

DBT teaches us about Wise Mind.

DBT teaches you how to use your “Wise Mind” when determining how to respond to an event. When you use your “Wise Mind”, you take into account both the emotional AND rational parts of your brain. When you react purely on how you feel and do not look at the facts, your perception will be skewed significantly.

Using Mindfulness to Help Regulate Emotions

Check the facts.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. What event triggered my emotional response?

2. What assumptions or interpretations am I thinking/making about the situation?

3. Does the intensity of my emotions match the facts OR am I reacting to my interpretation of the situation?

Part of demonstrating effective emotion regulation skills entails being able to stop and pause before allowing yourself to react to an event.

Here’s a tip:

Think about how a neutral, outside person observing the situation would describe it.

Think objectively- Is your emotional reaction justified based on the current situation?

Here’s an example-

Scenario: While taking a walk around your neighborhood, you feel rejected and return home yelling and in tears, because your neighbor, who typically greets you, didn’t smile or wave when they saw you.

The event (that triggered your emotional response) would be that your neighbor didn’t smile or wave at you. It is not that they were being rude, mean, or don’t like you. Those are interpretations/assumptions about the event.

Ok, so based on the facts that your neighbor didn’t smile and wave to you, would the act of going home yelling and in tears be a “justified” emotional response? No, not really. Based on the example above, you would be reacting only to your interpretation (that your neighbor who typically greets you, is being rude, mean, and doesn’t like you). You felt rejected and therefore believed what your emotion was telling you.

The take-home message?

Just because you think or feel something, doesn’t make it true.

Philadelphia DBT

Need individual help practicing this and other emotion regulation skills? In my private practice, providing DBT therapy in Philadelphia, Harrisburg, Lancaster, York, and Lebanon, I work individually with adults who struggle with intense, emotional reactivity. My specialties include using DBT to treat Borderline Personality Disorder, anxiety therapy, and trauma counseling.

Give me a call at 717-685-5074 or click here to schedule your free, 15-minute, video consultation for therapy.