Understanding “Borderline” Rage: Why People with BPD Experience Intense Anger

Understanding Rage in BPD

You’ve been told that others are scared to make you upset. When you get into a fight with someone, it turns ugly. You don’t know where it comes from. The intense anger. The hateful things that spew from your lips. You’ve ruined so many relationships.

You make people walk on eggshells.

The thing is, you don’t try to do it. You don’t want to do it. It’s the last thing you want to do. And yet time and time again, you end up going for the jugular.

You can’t blame people. You really don’t. You despise the way you act when you get mad. You don’t know why you can’t control yourself. One minute, you’re fine, the next you’re screaming, throwing things, and destroying relationships.

What you do know is that you hate it. You hate that you can’t “be normal”. You hate that you destroy relationships. You wonder why you can’t just be like other people. You Hate. All. Of. It.

You’ve tried to tell yourself that things shouldn't get so angry.

Nothing worked. You keep getting hurt and hurting the people you don’t want to push away.

You don’t try to become an angry tornado. You don’t want to be known as the “crazy bitch”. It’s like you can’t help it. You keep getting triggered. People keep letting you down.

The world is not fair.

You think that maybe you’re just “made” this way and that there’s nothing you can do.

You think, “Maybe they’re right. Maybe they should just stay away”.

Understanding “Borderline” Rage

Here’s the thing. Trying to ignore your feelings won’t help. In fact, trying to instruct yourself to not feel a certain way definitely won’t help. It will most likely backfire.

Trying to convince yourself NOT to be angry won’t work because you probably have very legitimate reasons for feeling the way you do.

Anger is a completely normal thing. Certain situations and problems would make most people feel angry. With borderline personality disorder, the intensity of emotions, high emotional sensitivity, and high emotional reactivity can make anger feel even more overwhelming and uncontrollable.

People with BPD struggle with regulating their negative emotions and often do not have the skills to learn how to manage them effectively. This, in combination with, high rejection sensitivity and unresolved trust issues, can quickly trigger feelings of betrayal and abandonment, escalating to rage. This rage is frightening not only for those around you; it’s also super scary experiencing it for yourself.

The Root of the Rage for People with BPD

Rage in borderline personality disorder is often a self-protective feature, stemming from unresolved trust against feelings of shame, an attempt to preemptively test others' intentions, or a way to express deep-seated hurt and betrayal.

Because emotions are felt so intensely, and there's often a history of having lesser forms of anger ignored, the result is an explosive outburst. Rage can sometimes be seen as manipulative or malicious. The truth is that more often than not, the rage is motivated by a profound sense of feeling hurt or betrayed.

Philadelphia DBT Therapist

In my private practice, I specialize in DBT therapy to treat borderline personality disorder. Dialectical Behavior Therapy is the “Gold Standard” treatment for BPD. It is a treatment designed to help people who struggle to manage their behavior, regulate their emotions, and create solid relationships.   

Philadelphia Dialectical Behavior Therapy

When you have BPD, your emotions will feel out of control, especially when experiencing intense anger. DBT can help you manage and solve the problems causing you so much pain. If you’re ready to take the next step, reach out today to book a free DBT consultation HERE.