DBT in Philadelphia: How This 1 Skill Can Help You STOP Doing Something You'll Regret

/ Sara Weand, LPC, LLC/

Philadelphia DBT: Using the STOP Skill

Ever wonder if there’s a quick and dirty way to not do things you later regret? Like, when your emotions are taking over and you want to act on them right now.

I’m here today to share with you one of my favorite DBT Distress Tolerance Skills that I teach my clients.

Make no mistake, the concept is simple, but it isn’t always easy to put into practice. It’s a skill that when it works, really works. The magic behind it is that it gives you a second or two to pause before engaging in some destructive behavior that will probably only cause you more problems and make you feel like sh*t.

DBT Distress Tolerance Skills

As I wrote previously HERE about Crisis Survival Skills, the idea behind learning effective crisis survival skills is for getting through overwhelmingly, emotionally stressful situations without making things worse or destroying what you want. They’re used to help you short circuit and cope with seemingly intolerable problematic situations.

DBT STOP Skill

In essence, the STOP skill is literally to help you stop yourself from behaving impulsively when you face an emotional crisis. For instance, when you’re faced with your emotions completely taking over, you may have found yourself acting out impulsively without thinking.

Reacting impulsively gets in the way of being able to use more skillful ways to get through the painful stuff. To be able to act more skillfully, you need to first be able to stop yourself from reacting or behaving impulsively.

The STOP skill is broken down into the following steps.

Image of STOP Sign, used to represent the DBT Crisis Survival STOP Skill.

1.     S is for “Stop”.

Literally, this means to stop and freeze. Again, literally don’t move a freaking muscle. Being able to freeze provides you with a brief moment to not act on your emotions. Remember you are not your emotions. You are in control.

For instance, let’s say you’re sitting in class and after you ask your professor a question about the material you just learned, the guy behind you sighs loudly and says something that provokes your anger. You may have the urge to attack him verbally or even turn around and smack him. However, doing either of these things is probably not in your best interest. You could end up being kicked out of class or worse. Don’t act on your impulse.

Image of woman stepping over rocky ground. Image represents “Taking a step back” in the DBT STOP Skill.

2.     T is for “Take” a step back.

When you’re in a stressful situation in which your emotions are screaming at you to react, it is almost impossible to think clearly. Taking a step back either physically and/or in your mind can help provide you with a moment to think. Do not let this situation push you over the edge to do something that will make things worse.

Continuing with the above example, let’s say the guy behind you even goes as far as poking you while saying something obnoxious. Your impulse or urge is to get up and knock him on his ass. However, that would only escalate things. So, you need to first stop/freeze and then push your chair back away from his direction, thus avoiding a worse altercation. 

Close up image of a person’s eye. Image represents the “O” or “observe” step in DBT Crisis Survival STOP Skill.

3.     O is for “Observe”.

In order to make effective choices and act effectively, you need to be aware of what’s happening inside and around you. Try not to jump to conclusions. Check the facts before acting.

Using the same example above, you observe that this guy appears sleep-deprived and may be experiencing a hangover. You’ve also seen him getting tutoring for this same class.

Image of the word, “WISDOM” spelled out with Scrabble Tiles. Image used to represent “Proceed Mindfully” (use Wise Mind/Inner Wisdom)( step of the DBT Crisis Survival STOP Skill.

4.     P stands for “Proceed” mindfully.

I’ve written extensively about core mindfulness skills before. Proceeding mindfully is the opposite of being impulsive and reactive. You need to tap into that inner wisdom you’ve got and ask yourself what choice would make this situation better or worse. Remember that when you are able to stay calm and in control, you are more equipped to deal with stressful situations without causing more problems.

In the example, you’re justifiably angry and you really, really want to lay into this guy for acting like an assh*le. However, you know you don’t want to make things worse for yourself. Knowing what you’ve observed, you proceed mindfully by not engaging with him and throwing yourself into listening to your professor’s lecture.

Being able to skillfully get through highly emotional situations and negative, painful events is not easy and it’s not always gonna be pretty. However, learning to use DBT Distress Tolerance Skills, can help you not regret your actions, keep relationships, and not feel worse.

Philadelphia DBT

If you need help with learning how to better handle life’s problems, DBT can help you skillfully deal with the shit that life throws at you. DBT can help you keep the relationships that are important to you, gain self-respect, and solve the problems that are causing you so much emotional pain.

BPD Therapist in Philadelphia

As a DBT therapist, I specialize in Borderline Personality Disorder treatment and anxiety therapy. If you struggle with your emotions taking over, debilitating anxiety or panic, and toxic relationships, reach out today. For a free consultation for DBT therapy, call me at 717-685-5074. You can also book your own BPD treatment consultation HERE. You don’t need to continue to suffer. Reach out now.