Philadelphia Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Training: One Mindfully

Your thoughts are scattered, your emotions are out of control, and your mood sucks. Despite wanting to feel more connection in your relationships, you feel more distant than ever and it’s ruining your life. You don’t want to be so miserable, and you’re desperate to keep the relationships you’ve got.

You’ve heard that DBT can help people who struggle with finding happiness and keeping relationships.

DBT Skills Training: Core Mindfulness Skills

Over the last several weeks, I’ve created a series of blog posts devoted to digging into Core Mindfulness Skills. DBT Skills Training in Philadelphia teaches people effective and skillful ways to help them solve the problems in their lives.

Last week’s post HERE was on the Core Mindfulness How Skill of Nonjudgmentally.  

This week, I’m focusing on the Core Mindfulness How Skill of One-Mindfully. As a reminder, the DBT Mindfulness How Skills target “how” you practice mindfulness.  

DBT Core Mindfulness Skill of One-Mindfully

One-mindfully means staying in the present. It also means doing one thing at a time. The present is all there is. The past already happened and the future hasn’t happened yet.

In our fast-paced world, it’s a hard concept to grasp. In our society, staying and being overly busy, overworking, and multi-tasking are considered virtues. Being busy is highly valued by people.  

Practicing mindfulness means that we remain in the present.

Yet for most people, staying in the present moment, is so, so difficult to do.

Have you ever noticed that sometimes when driving, you arrive at your destination without remembering how you got there? It’s happened to me. When you’re not aware of what’s happening in the present, you’re not mindful.

What gets in the way of the DBT Mindfulness Skill of One-Mindfully?

As human beings, we can get stuck rehashing the past, ruminating about mistakes, or reliving past trauma. People who get caught up in this cycle seem to constantly be in the past- talking about it, ruminating about missed opportunities, etc. It’s not done intentionally and yet these individuals end up ignoring the present moment.

We also often also get caught up in the stuff that hasn’t even happened yet. The “what-ifs” of the future. The worries about what may or may not happen. The things we can’t wait to happen because we’re not happy where we’re currently at. It’s exhausting.

Research is clear that focusing on the present has so many benefits. Being mindful and practicing DBT Core Mindfulness Skills, can help you feel happier, at peace, and better able to do what you need to do at any moment.  

What about the past and the future?

It needs to be mentioned that while the majority of the time needs to be spent in the present, of course, the past and future are important. One-mindfully does not mean completely ignoring our past or our future. The important piece is remembering the past while being aware that you’re doing so from the present moment. The same goes for the future.  

DBT Mindfulness Skill: One-Mindfully is not multitasking

One-mindfully has to do with doing one thing at a time. That means, no multi-tasking. As a multi-tasker in recovery, I want to share that the research and facts demonstrate the importance of NOT multitasking. It’s not just efficient. It may be hard for some of you to believe, and yet it is true. 

When we multi-task, it interferes in our lives on so many levels. Here’s an example.

Have you ever been out to dinner with your partner and as you’re sitting at the table in the restaurant, your partner gets out their cell phone and begins to scroll through their social media feed? I’m guilty of that.

Multi-tasking is not a helpful way to strengthen relationships.

Another example is for those of you who are parents. When we’re not present in our lives, particularly when we’re with our children, we’ll more than likely regret it. The time we spend with our children when we’re not practicing one mindfully are moments lost forever.

Even if it’s unintentional, when we aren’t focusing on one thing at a time it interferes with our ability to connect authentically. Not being authentic or genuine can really be detrimental in our relationships.

When we aren’t being one-mindful in our relationships, it can negatively impact the relationships in our lives.

What gets in the way of one-mindfully practicing mindfulness? 

If you’re someone who experiences anxiety, it can be difficult to remain “in the moment” and practice one mindfully. This is especially important when those icky feelings of overwhelm, and dread come sneaking in. Distraction, whether due to worries or due to whatever, can also be problematic.

Practice DBT Core Mindfulness Skill of One Mindfully

Here’s what to do when your attention gets pulled away.

1. The first thing to do is to notice that you’ve been distracted. Just being able to notice that you drifted off is beneficial.

2. Once you notice your attention is elsewhere, just bring yourself back to the present. The key here is to NOT judge yourself for becoming distracted. Just bring your attention back to the present.

3. Repeat steps 1 & 2. Just keep bringing yourself back each and every time you drift off to something else.

Here’s an example.

Let’s say you’re playing a board game with your child. You know this time with your child is important. Yet, your mind keeps pulling you away from the time with your child, to the never-ending list of household chores, the work meeting you’re dreading, or your recent argument with your spouse.

Again, here are the steps.

Step 1. Notice that your attention has been pulled away.

Step 2. Remind yourself to return to this moment with your child.

Step 3. Keep bringing yourself back to the present moment of playing the board game with your child.

Tips for Practicing DBT Core Mindfulness Skill of One Mindfully

• Remember that our minds are for thinking, so our minds will continue to do what they’re designed to do.

• Don’t judge yourself for not remaining focused on the present. Notice and say to yourself, “I got distracted”, NOT, “you stupid f*ck, you just can’t do this”. Judging yourself won’t be helpful.

I hope this post has helped you gain an understanding of how to practice mindfulness one-mindfully and gives you another way to help you become more present in your life.

Philadelphia DBT Skills Training

If you’re struggling with managing your emotions, experiencing debilitating panic, toxic relationships, or want to learn how to effectively deal with emotional pain, there is hope.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy includes individual psychotherapy and DBT Skills Training. DBT in Philadelphia can help you create a life that’s worth living and not full of emotional suffering.

DBT Therapy in Philadelphia

My name is Sara Weand, and I am a DBT therapist in Philadelphia who loves helping people, like you, learn skills to more effectively deal with life’s sh*tty problems. If you’re ready to begin your healing journey and find relief from the pain caused by your relationships, your past, or intense emotions, please reach out today.

As a DBT therapist, I offer DBT therapy video consultations. I specialize in Dialectical Behavior Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder and therapy for anxiety. For a free consultation for BPD treatment in Philadelphia, click HERE.