Philadelphia DBT: Using DBT Skills So You Don't Make Your Problems Worse

It was supposed to be the perfect night. A night to rekindle, to reconnect, to repair the past several weeks of what seemed like constant arguing. You were going to show him that you’ve changed and are so sorry for causing so many problems.

If you were honest with yourself, you are the one that needed to make most of the repairs. You’ve been so moody lately and don’t know what’s been going on with you- You just don’t know how to explain it.

Sometimes you act crazy.

You have acted crazy at times- like that time you got in his face and actually hit him. God, you’re so ashamed of your behavior. However, this was the night that was going to change that.

The reservation was made. Your outfit was planned days in advance. Work schedules were changed. You were so excited about The. Perfect. Night.

Then, you walked through your apartment door and there he was- asleep on the sofa. You rearranged your schedule, and made all these plans, thinking he had done the same. But there he was… just lying there! WTF??? 

When you saw him asleep on the sofa, you completely lost it. You couldn’t think straight and didn’t waste any time letting him know you were pissed. You threw the lamp on the floor and tore into him. You didn’t even give him a chance to wake up or get a word in to explain. How could he be sleeping when you both planned this special evening together? It’s like he didn’t even care!

When he finally had a chance to say something, he explained that he got home a bit earlier and wanted to take a nap so he’d have plenty of energy for his night out with you. He said he wanted to make sure he wasn’t tired so he could focus just on you.

Oh…. F*ck…

You’ve done it yet again. You hadn’t planned on it. It just happened… again. You told yourself that you wouldn’t blow up at him again, and yet here you are, picking up the pieces… again. 

You are so full of guilt and now feel like crap. You wish you knew how NOT to lose you cool. If you could have just held off for just one second before reacting you could’ve avoided this huge mess and actually had a nice dinner with your partner, like you both had initially planned.

What. The. F*ck.

DBT Distracting with ACCEPTS

In today’s post, I’m finishing off my blog series on DBT Distress Tolerance Skills, specifically on Distracting with ACCEPTS.

Distracting works because it helps reduce your contact with whatever’s setting off your distress or what’s making it the most painful. Another cool thing about distracting is that these strategies can also help to change parts of the emotional response.

Because, let’s be real… Ahem… sometimes you just can’t afford to make your problems worse (as in the example above).

Here's a quick review to catch you up to speed. Each letter of ACCEPTS stands for a specific skill to help you distract from whatever’s causing your distress. My last blog post on ACCEPTS was on how distracting with other “Thoughts” can be helpful. If you missed that post, you can read it HERE.

This brings me to the last blog post of this series on DBT Distress Tolerance Distracting Skills, using ACCEPTS. 

DBT Distress Tolerance Skills- Distract with Sensations

The last method in Distracting with ACCEPTS is “S”, which stands for “Sensations”. Using intense, different sensations can pull your attention away from your overwhelming emotional distress, whatever’s causing your distress, or urges to act on your distress.  

In other words,

Intense sensations cause you to focus on those sensations, rather than your emotional crisis.

Remember when I mentioned above how sometimes DBT distress tolerance skills can also actually help change parts of the emotional response?

This can be especially true with using sensations.

DBT Distract with other Sensations 

So, what are some examples of using different, sensations, to help distract you from your current emotional pain or distressful situation?

Below are 5 examples that my clients or I have found helpful.

1. Listen to VERY loud music.

Engaging your sense of hearing by listening to loud music is another way to help you distract from distress. Metallica anyone?

2. Squeeze a rubber ball.

Yeah, yeah, I know the good, ol’ stress ball. It turns out that squeezing the f*ck out of one of these bad boys can be helpful. The next time you’re offered a freebee stress ball, go ahead and scoop one up for your use later.

3. Take a hot or cold shower.

Using a change in temperature is a great way to help distract you from your current distress. Get in the shower and just let the water pour over you.

4. Eat something spicy or sour.

It turns out that Sour Patch Kids can be effective in practicing DBT Distraction. When you suck on a piece of sour candy or eat a spicy food, the intensity in taste can help you distract briefly from current distressful problems.

5. Hold an ice cube.

This is a personal fav. As I previously wrote about HERE, cold temperature, especially freezing, will drastically and quickly activate your parasympathetic nervous system, making you calm down fast. So, hold that ice cube until it melts when you feel like you’re going to lose control. Don’t have an ice maker? Use a bag of frozen veggies instead.

The bottom line—

Being able to distract when you simply cannot afford to make things worse, is a great way to deal with distress. As seen in the above example, having a way to distract yourself from going bat-sh*t crazy on the man you love could have been beneficial.

So, the next time you feel like you’re gonna lose your cool, try using the DBT skill of distracting with different sensations.

BPD treatment & DBT therapy in Philadelphia

If you’ve lost control of your emotions more times that you can count, you may benefit from Dialectical Behavior Therapy. DBT is the “Gold Standard” of treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder, as well as, various other mental health conditions. If you’re tired of pushing others away, destroying relationships, and feeling miserable, there is hope. 

Philadelphia BPD therapist

I know you’re doing the best you can and yet things aren’t working out for you. You continue to suffer, wondering if you’re doomed to be this way forever. As a DBT therapist in Philadelphia, I know you are desperate for relief from your emotional pain and don’t want to act crazy.

As a DBT therapist, I specialize in the treatment of anxiety and Borderline Personality Disorder, by providing a comprehensive, outpatient DBT program. Reach out today for a consultation for Philadelphia DBT therapy by booking your therapy consultation HERE.