DBT in Philadelphia: When focusing on your problem is the last thing you need.

Have you ever had to fight like hell not to break down and cry? I mean like, a sobbing “ugly cry”?

Like…

Maybe you’re in the middle of class and you get a text from your beau that he’s breaking up with you over text? Or maybe your professor handed back your mid-term exam with a big fat, D- at the top of it, after you put your soul into studying for that exam? Or perhaps you’re so preoccupied with the fight you had with your bestie literally right before you stepped into the classroom.

Now you’re literally on the verge of tears.

You don’t want to break down in front of everyone. You know that if the tears start to come, they’ll take over, and then you’ll be a sobbing mess.

That’s not what you need right now.

What can you do to get through the rest of class without losing control?

As a DBT therapist, I know that it’s super important to allow yourself to experience all of your emotions; the good, the bad, and the ugly. I can’t stress enough how essential it is to allow yourself to experience all of your emotions.

Sometimes, it’s not the right time to process your emotions.

While you need to experience every single damn one of your emotions, sometimes it’s just not the right time.

Whether you’re in the middle of your college class, at work getting ready to give a presentation to colleagues, or feel so consumed by your feelings you can’t think straight, sometimes

Now isn’t the time.

Whatever the situation, there are definitely times when the more you pay attention to your problem, the worse the situation becomes.

Sometimes, the worst thing you can do is to focus on your current misery. 

DBT Distress Tolerance Skills & Using Distraction

Dialectical Behavior Therapy teaches that when a problem is not solvable right now, and/or you have other important responsibilities that need to get done, it is important to use distraction skills. The last thing you need is to make the situation worse.

Being able to distract during emotional crises is really difficult, especially when things feel excruciating. Sometimes being able to use DBT distraction skills is the most effective way to handle a current, painful problem for a short time.

In the past weeks, I’ve fleshed out DBT Distress Tolerance Skills, specifically distracting with DBT ACCEPTS. Last week, I talked about how when other options fail, sometimes being able to “push” away from the problem is helpful. If you missed that post, you can read it HERE.

DBT Skills & ACCEPTS: The “T”

The next letter in this series, “T”, stands for distracting with other “Thoughts”. Distracting yourself with different thoughts can be powerful.

Why Distracting with Different Thoughts Works

When you distract yourself with other thoughts, those new, different thoughts will fill up your short-term memory, so that the thoughts activated by the negative emotion or painful problem do not continue to reactivate your emotion.

In other words, those new, replacement thoughts will help put space between the thoughts about the painful emotion and re-experiencing the negative emotion.

DBT Distracting with Different Thoughts: Four Examples

Using the example with you sitting in class and ready to explode with tears, here are some options. Remember, these examples are ways to fill up that short-term memory of yours with new thoughts that will distract you (for the time being).

1. Count.

   Yes, count the f*ck out of everything you can. Count the ceiling tiles, the vents, the chairs, the words being said by the professor, literally count everything.

2. Repeat a story to yourself.

   One of my most fav comedians, Bert Kreisher, (who suffers from debilitating anxiety), shared how he’d repeat his famous “The Machine” story, to distract himself during extremely stressful situations.

   What I just love about him is how open he is to being vulnerable with his anxiety. His use of this DBT skill just shows how anyone can use DBT skills to help them with life.

   Don’t have a story you know by heart? What about the Pledge of Allegiance, a short poem, or lyrics from a catchy song? The idea here is that there are a lot of options.

3. Sing to yourself.

   Just like repeating a story to yourself, another option can be to sing to yourself. You could use “Happy Birthday” or the “A, B, C’s” as really simple options.

4. Find colors.

   Just like counting, start looking for a rainbow of colors around you. Start with finding all of the red things you can, then orange, then yellow, and continue through all of the arrays of colors in the room.

When you can’t afford to emotionally break down, being able to distract yourself with other thoughts can be helpful.  

Next week, I’ll be finishing up this blog series on DBT Distress Tolerance Skills by distracting with ACCEPTS. Stay tuned.

Philadelphia Borderline Personality Disorder Treatment

If your painful emotions feel unbearable and control your life, DBT can help. Dialectical Behavior Therapy is the treatment of choice for BPD as well as various other mental health problems. Your intense, overwhelming emotions do not need to ruin your relationships, self-respect, and life. The time to reach out is now.

DBT Therapy in Philadelphia

I know you feel like you’re doomed to suffer for the rest of your life. There is hope. DBT can help you create a life that’s worth living.

As a DBT therapist in Philadelphia, I know you’re doing the best you can, and yet you’re still so, so miserable. I specialize in DBT therapy for the treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder and therapy for anxiety. Don’t wait and reach out today. I offer complimentary DBT consultations. You can schedule your consult with me, your Philadelphia DBT therapist by clicking HERE.