Thank God I’m Not THAT Guy: Using DBT Comparisons to get through your Sh*tty Day

Since waking up this morning, it feels like everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. It started with oversleeping and being late for your work meeting. It’s the work meeting where you’re scheduled to review your progress on that project you’re overseeing. When you finally got there, you realized you have a coffee stain smack dab in the middle of your blouse.

It just kept getting worse.

You got a call from your son’s school that he’s gotten in trouble AGAIN and they want to schedule a meeting to discuss his “behavior problems”. Later when you finally get a chance to grab some lunch, your card gets declined, so you have to settle for whatever the change in your car can get you. As you’re getting ready to leave the office for the day, your boss approaches you and proceeds to tell you that this is your second late arrival and that the next time this happens, you’ll be written up.

Could this day get any worse?

As you drive home, you find solace in being able to crack open a bottle of wine and enjoy a nice meal with your family. However, once you open the door, you notice your husband hasn’t started the meal he said he would and the sink is overflowing with dirty dishes.

After the day you’ve had, you are about to lose your sh*t at anyone who crosses your path.

It happens to just about everyone.

I’m going to guess that we’ve all been there at some point. You know, the days or weeks that life just keeps throwing sh*t at you? You ask yourself, “Why me? Why does life have to be so hard?”

Dialectical Behavior Therapy & Distress Tolerance Skills

There are some ways to help you get through it all without making things worse.

As I mentioned in my last several blog posts, sometimes it makes perfect sense to be able to distract yourself from your current problem or distress. Sometimes focusing on your problems is the last thing you should do and could actually make things worse.

DBT Distracting with ACCEPTS

Distracting with Wise Mind ACCEPTS are skills to use when you can’t afford to make your problems worse or you’re so overwhelmed by your emotions that you can’t think clearly.

Last week, I examined how beneficial “Contributing” can be to help take your mind off of your current problem. This week, I’m writing about the next “C” in ACCEPTS, which stands for “Comparing” or “Comparisons”.

DBT Distract by making “Comparisons”

When you practice this particular skill, you compare your problems and life to other people who have it way worse. You can also compare your current set of circumstances to when you experienced more difficult situations.  

Called by social psychologists a “downward comparison”, some people find it helpful to compare their current woes to how bad other people may have it. I joke with my clients sometimes by explaining the comparison skill as the “Thank God I’m not THAT guy” scenario. I have a sneaking suspicion that this is why reality TV, and similar TikTok or YouTube videos are so popular.

Distracting, by using comparison, can also be done by comparing your current issues to times previously in your life when you experienced something similar and prevailed. It could also be practiced by thinking about and comparing what your life could look like in the future.

How to practice DBT Distress Tolerance by comparing.

So, for the example above, here are three ways to use comparison to get you through the mess.

1. Compare your situation to other people who don’t have a job or a family to come home to

2. Compare your son’s behavior problems to those he had in years prior

3. Watch a TV show where people have problems that are much worse than what you’re going through.

Some people love this skill and some people cannot stand it. If this isn’t for you, that is ok.

I have to admit it though, I like the skill of distracting with comparisons. I’ve always been partial to soap operas and a solid docudrama…

As with all of the distraction skills in DBT, the key is that they are only to be used for short-term stuff and only to help you tolerate getting through the sh*t.

The last thing you need is to make things worse for you if you’ve already been experiencing the day from hell.

Philadelphia DBT Therapy

If you’re ready to learn how to navigate life’s problems more effectively, instead of freaking the f*ck out and messing up your relationships, Dialectical Behavior Therapy can help. Intense anxiety or panic, relationship drama, and overwhelming emotions do not have to ruin your life. You can break free from the pattern of emotionally driven behavior, which only leaves you feeling guilty and ashamed. 

Your Philadelphia Therapist for BPD

As a DBT therapist in Philadelphia, I specialize in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Borderline Personality Disorder treatment, and therapy for anxiety. I know you’re doing the best you can and want to improve. I can help you make and keep relationships, and learn how to effectively cope with and solve your problems so you can create a life that’s worth living.

Don’t wait any longer to reach out today. I offer free video consultations for DBT therapy. Click HERE to book your therapy consultation.