Appear Confident… Like a Lobster: DBT Therapy in Philadelphia

You’ve been on stage as long as you can remember. You LOVE performing. When you’re performing, you feel confident and in control.

Casting calls and auditions have not been, well, easy for you. Once you’ve got the part, you’re home free, but the thought of having to audition for a role makes you want to vomit.

You just got word of a casting call for an upcoming Netflix, short series. You’ve been on smaller-scale projects, mostly commercials and local, Indie, short films. But, Netflix, holy f*ck, Netflix! When you saw the casting call requirements, it was like it was written and made for you.

The problem?

The problem is that entering the screening room has not been an easy thing at all. You want to convey confidence. You want to demonstrate capability and competency, and honestly, you want this f*cking role.

You wonder if there’s a “hack” for boosting confidence; something that you can use when you need it the most, because…

It’s so hard for you ask for what you want or saying “no”.

The good news is— I got ya covered.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy teaches how to be interpersonally effective.

In DBT, interpersonal effectiveness is one of the 4 modules taught in DBT Skills Training. Being able to communicate effectively is something we all need. Whether it’s asking for a promotion or telling your overly intrusive sister to butt out of your business, one of the key ingredients to communicating with others effectively is appearing confident.

Appearing confident is not always an easy task. This can be especially difficult when you’re not used to feeling confident. In DBT, when we talk about demonstrating confidence, it is important that we communicate that we deserve to ask what we are asking for.

DBT & Appearing Confident

So, what does appearing confident look like?

Let me first start by clarifying something. I am not saying, “be” confident. I’m saying “appear” confident.

Canadian psychologist, Jordan Peterson, talked about appearing confident and the way it relates to how lobsters behave. He noted what scientists have learned about lobsters.

Lobsters? Yes, Lobsters can teach us a lot about “appearing confident”.

Lobsters live in a hierarchy- They compete to become “top lobster”. When competing for “top lobster” status, each lobster will actually raise itself up and wave its claws around. This change in behavior and specifically posture, actually creates neurological changes in each of the lobsters’ brains.

For the lobster who becomes the “top lobster”, there is an increase in serotonin in its brain. For the lower, bottom, lobster, there is decrease in serotonin.

So, what do we know about serotonin? Serotonin, simply put, is known to be one of the neurotransmitters (brain chemicals) that is responsible for boosting our moods and associated with feelings of happiness.

How do neurological changes in lobsters relate to us, human beings?

As Jordan Peterson has noted, “Standing up straight with my shoulders back gives me that little squirt of serotonin”. That means that when we “appear” confident, it communicates to our brains to boost our mood and confidence.

Coincidentally, the opposite is also true. Just like lobsters, when we stand hunched over, looking at the floor, etc, it creates the opposite effect. Behaving submissively decreases our serotonin level which will impact our mood negatively. This, by the way, is what scientists have seen in lobsters as well. The subordinate or submissive lobster’s brain experiences changes as a result of the lobster’s change in posture (backing down).

I’m not implying that you need to exert dominance to feel confident. What I am saying is that when you stand up tall and straight, you get that “little squirt” of serotonin in your brain that communicates to you and others that you deserve to ask for what you want.

The moral of this story?

Stand up straight, appearing confident, just as a confident lobster would do!

Philadelphia DBT

If you’re someone who struggles with managing personal boundaries, or feels guilty for asking for what you need, Dialectical Behavior Therapy can help. As a DBT therapist, I help insecure, anxious people, feel better about themselves, cope with toxic relationships, and navigate painful emotions.

You don’t have to jeopardize your own sanity and remain in crazy-making relationships. Your negative emotions, destructive behavior, and relationship problems don’t need to control your life. 

DBT Therapist in Philadelphia

If you’re constantly struggling to get others to pay attention to your pain without resorting to extreme behaviors, reach out now. As a DBT therapist, I get that you don’t know how to get the people you love to pay attention to your pain without pushing them away or destroying relationships.

When you work with me, I can help you improve your relationships. I can help you learn how to feel more confident, like a lobster ;)

My clinical specialties include the treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder and anxiety therapy, using Dialectical Behavior Therapy. For a free, 15-minute therapy consultation, reach out HERE to schedule your DBT therapy consultation.