Love and BPD

February is known for Valentine’s Day. If you’re someone who identifies with the struggle of having Borderline Personality Disorder, knows someone with BPD, or is currently pursuing a romance with a Borderline individual, chances are you’ve come across quite a bit of damning information on the internet about Borderlines in romantic relationships. While some of the articles out there are factual, they don’t necessarily paint a positive picture. I’m here today to help cut through the bullshit of the myths that only prolong the stigma, and to also provide insight from the Borderline individual’s perspective.

Are People with BPD Able to Love?

As a therapist who specializes in treating Borderline Personality Disorder, and truly enjoys helping those with BPD, I find this question so profoundly sad. When you Google “Borderline Personality and Love” (or something similar), what shows up is an extensive list of results for how individuals with BPD are either incapable of love, destroy relationships, or how to avoid relationships with Borderlines. For those of you involved in a romantic relationship with someone who has BPD, one can understand how you might relate to these search results, and yet, the idea that Borderlines are incapable of love couldn’t be farther from the truth.

The Borderline’s “Favorite Person” Phenomena

One of the hallmarks of Borderline Personality Disorder is that of emotion dysregulation, which refers to lacking the ability to manage emotions appropriately. Another feature is that of seeing the world in extremes- most typically viewing the world in “all or nothing” terms. So, for someone with BPD, who already has emotional sensitivity, and has trouble regulating their emotions, they feel their emotions deeply and powerfully, like their emotion consumes them completely.

While you’re on the receiving end of the emotional experience, it can be really hard to navigate. It can feel great when the emotion is a “good” one, like being in love. At the same time, if it’s a “bad, icky-feeling”, such as anger, you may wish you or your partner didn’t experience emotions so intensely. Add on the complexity of thinking in extremes of something being “all good” or “all bad”, with rarely an in between, you can probably imagine how devastating the situation can be.

Conflict and misunderstandings are difficult for people who don’t have Borderline Personality Disorder. Arguments can be sticky, hurtful, and take time to navigate through all of the hurt feelings and heal re-opened wounds. Now, imagine how that would be for someone with BPD. When they get into a disagreement with their partner, that partner who was their “favorite person” (the one who does no wrong) may find themselves at the receiving end of an angry storm from the person who has BPD.

What to Expect When You Love Someone with BPD?

When either you or your partner has Borderline traits, navigating the ins and outs of a romantic relationship will probably be difficult. Honestly, I believe all intimate relationships are hard. Your relationship will have its share of hardships AND its share of awesomeness.

Make no mistake, those with BPD or Borderline traits are emotionally intense which means they feel things deeply and passionately. So, if you find yourself falling for someone who has BPD, know that you will probably have a difficult road ahead of you AND it can also be a wonderful journey.

Love is hard. Intimate relationships are hard. When an individual in that relationship has BPD, there will be challenging times. There will be times when you’re not sure if it’s worth it and times when you want to fight to keep the relationship strong.

>>> Yes, Borderlines love. They feel love, anger, sadness, compassion, guilt, joy, and everything in between. <<<

Philadelphia Dialectical Behavior Therapy & Borderline Personality Disorder Treatment

If you’re wondering why relationships cause you so much emotional pain and don’t know how to cope, I can help. You are not doomed to a life of suffering alone. You can find relief from the debilitating anxiety, become less emotionally reactive, and create a life that’s worth living.

Your Philadelphia DBT Therapist

Don’t wait any longer. I offer free consultations for DBT therapy. You can call me at 717-685-5074 or click here, to book your own DBT consultation for Borderline Personality Disorder treatment.

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