The Borderline Experience: BPD & the Chameleon

BPD & Identity Disturbance or Chameleon Personality

“Who am I?”, you wonder.

It’s a simple enough question, isn’t it? When you’ve been asked about yourself, depending on who you’re with or where you’re at, your answers seem to be different. You’ve been asked this question or a variation of it, many times:

• At the job interview, “So, tell me a little about yourself. What makes you stand out as an applicant?”

• On the dating scene, “What kinds of things do you like to do? What are you into? Who are you attracted to? What are you looking for in a significant other? Who are you hoping to meet?”

• When with your parents, “What do you plan to do with yourself now that you’ve graduated? What are your future plans?”

• While applying for college, “Why are you interested in attending this school? What are your career goals?”

• Socially, “Where’s your favorite place to hang? How would you describe yourself? What’s your scene?”

You have no idea who you are or where you belong. You want to belong somewhere; anywhere.

When you have BPD, these can be really hard questions to even answer because you may have no idea who you really are.

Questions like, “How would you describe your personality? What are your values or belief systems? Where would you like to see yourself in the future? Any goals? Who do you look up to?”

What you want to say is, “How the f*ck am I supposed to know? I’ve always been told I’m wrong, so I just act like however or whoever I think the people I’m with want me to be.”

You’re not trying to be difficult. You’re not trying to mislead people. Yet, there you are acting like a chameleon.

Because you really don’t know. What you do know is that more than anything, you just want to be liked and accepted, so if that means putting on a mask and pretending, so be it.

Your whole life you felt like an outsider and that something isn’t right.

Borderline Personality Disorder: You don’t know who you are or what makes you, you. So, you become a chameleon; a chameleon personality.

What you want is to know you belong somewhere; be a part of something. But, you don’t know who you are.

It’s so damn hard.

You feel so empty inside. You wish you knew who you really are.

Having Borderline Personality Disorder sometimes feels like you’re living a perpetual identity crisis. And it sucks.

Borderline Personality Disorder and Your Sense of Self

The last of the behavioral patterns within the Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis is that of self dysregulation. My previous post here explains the other pertinent patterns, (in case you missed prior posts). It means that someone with BPD does not have a solid sense of self. In other words, they don’t know who they are or what’s important to them. They struggle with trying to fill the void of emptiness they continue to feel inside and desperately want to be included; to have a sense of belonging.

Feeling like a chameleon when you have BPD

BPD- becoming a chameleon to fill the void.

An individual with BPD will often explain that they often feel like a chameleon- changing who they are to fit whatever is going on in their environment. Because being alone is so often intolerable to a Borderline person, they grasp at whatever straws they can to feel included. It can feel like a complete shit storm of trying to “find” themselves.

It’s completely draining.

Sense of Self & Identity in Borderline Personality Disorder

Your identity is a combination of your personality, belief system, thoughts & behavior, experience & knowledge. It’s how you define yourself, like, it’s what makes you, you. So, when the world around you changes and you need to adapt to those changes, your sense of self or identity is what reels you back in; it’s what holds you together.

It’s normal for everyone to behave differently in various situations. Those individuals who have a solid sense of self are able to adapt or change depending on the context of a given situation and yet, are able to “remain themselves” despite having to change their behavior in different environments. In other words, they are able to see themselves as the same person despite having to adapt or to a change of scenery or expectations.

For someone with BPD, this scenario is more profound. A Borderline individual may not only alter their behavior to be appropriate for the situation but may report that their thinking and opinions may change as well. This becomes a problem when their identity or sense of self is tied to whomever they are around and can cause some pretty sticky boundary issues as well.

Philadelphia Borderline Personality Disorder Treatment

I know you’ve been told over and over that what you think, feel, believe and value is wrong. You may not even know who you are anymore.

I know you desperately want people to like you. I know that the idea of being a chameleon is probably a lot less scary than risking the chance that you’ll lose relationships; especially with those you love the most.

I know the thought of allowing yourself to be truly seen by the people in your life is just too much to bear. You’re so scared that they won’t want to be around you anymore or worse, not love you anymore. But,

Being a social chameleon is crazy-making.

I get it.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy can help you feel not so lost.

As a DBT therapist, I can help you become more comfortable in your own skin. You can learn to ditch the chameleon personality, stop wearing a mask, and begin your journey to self-discovery. When you work with me, I can help you learn more about yourself and begin to discover your true self—— who you truly are.

DBT Therapy in Philadelphia, Harrisburg, Lebanon, York, and Lancaster, PA

If you want to stop feeling like you’re a stranger in your own body, feel more in control of your emotions and relationships, reach out today. As a DBT therapist, I provide a safe, supportive, and validating space for you to learn and accept yourself for who you are. Stop being a chameleon and start being you.

I provide free therapy consultations for DBT. To book your counseling and therapy consultation for Borderline Personality Disorder Treatment, therapy for anxiety, and trauma therapy, call me at 717-685-5074 or click here.