It Is What It Is- Tolerating Life's Unexpected Moments

DBT Philadelphia: It Is What It Is- Learning to Tolerate Stress

Here’s what happened.

The other week, I found myself in a "life happens" situation. As in typical "Sara-fashion", I tried to cram too much stuff from my to-do list into a way too small time frame, prior to seeing clients that morning.

According to my "very scientific Sara calculations", I had exactly 7 minutes from the time I arrived at the post office to figure out how to return my way too small boots to overstock.com (even though they were advertised as size 7. But I digress...). Anyhow, I had to figure out how to return those oh-so-cute boots, select the appropriate size mailer to send out some old sorority t-shirts to my Alma-mater chapter (yep, finally cleaning out those old storage bins...), prepare both packages, and pay the postal clerk.

So... with my whole 7 minutes to get all of that shit done, imagine my dismay when I walked into the post office and I saw a line... WTF? A line? So, I waited... and waited.... for what seemed like hours. By the time I reached the counter, I'm down to 4 minutes, 30-seconds... I laid the oh-so-cute, incorrectly sized boots on the counter and informed the clerk what I needed to do. After looking at the packages, she politely informed me that I needed to go online, print out a form, and drop it off at a UPS location. What??? So, I'm now down to approximately less than 3 minutes...

I pushed my stuff aside, addressed the mailer, and began to pack up my old tees to be shipped. Oh. My. God. I chose the wrong size mailer! At that point, my "perfectly calculated" total of 7 minutes had run out...

What to do... What to do...

Here's the thing--

When confronted with a situation that's extremely infuriating, unpleasant, frustrating (insert any other obnoxious scenario adjective here), there are 3 ways you can choose to handle it.

1. Change something to make it better

2. Do something to make it worse

3. Tolerate the situation

Hmmm... Was I able to do anything to change my current circumstances- to make this situation any better? No, not really... at least nothing at that point. Sure, I could've planned better and scheduled more time to get my errands done. But, I couldn't do or change anything that would help my current situation- to make it better at that moment.

Was there anything I could do to make the current situation any worse? You bet. I could've started bitching and making rude comments, or threw the packages on the floor... Actually, there were a whole bunch of things I could've done to make things worse... Use your imagination... But, the thing is, even though having an adult temper tantrum may have made me feel better in the moment, it would've created more issues in the long run.

Here's what I did do-

I decided to tolerate my current situation.

This is totally easier said than done... Hence, one of my mantras I repeat to myself when I need to remind myself to tolerate something--

It is what it is.

Now, repeating that to myself was one thing, but I also remembered to breathe. I said it to myself while I breathed in, and repeated it while I breathed out.

Doing this pulled me back to the present moment instead of stressing out about shit I had no control over.

I reminded myself that there was nothing I could do to change my current situation. It also wasn't going to help me to blame others for my lack of planning, nor was it going to help me to shame myself for not scheduling better.

I'm not saying that accepting my situation 'as it was' didn't suck, because it did. What I am saying is that I accepted the situation for what it was-- sucking and all.

This idea of "tolerating" released me from the stress of trying to change or control something I had no control over, which helped lower my anxiety level and just concentrate on breathing.

Finding Acceptance

When you allow yourself to let go of trying to control something you have no control over, it can be so liberating. By choosing to let go, YOU are in control; you're in control of yourself, and that is a very powerful feeling.

Therapy for Anxiety & DBT Therapy in Philadelphia, Harrisburg, Lancaster, York, and Lebanon

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